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Gay is not sin
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in the Holy Spirit
Gays For Jesus
"THE Stables Ministries"
That fateful night back on January 27, 1974 at 9:30 PM at
Hawthorne Memorial Hall in Hawthorne California at a Doug
Clark's "Amazing Prophecies Rally" changed my life forever.
I considered myself an atheist of atheists.
Began writing Saturday, October 18, 1997 first rough draft, 2nd editing Wednesday Feb. 19, 2003, 3rd editing Tuesday Sept. 15th, 2014
Summary leading up to why I am writing my testimony now.
Up till now I have not really sat down
to write my testimony. I have always included parts of it in
all my other writings. I have long studied the ex-gay
movement and seen it dismal failures in spite of their
claims to success and the reports from their claims from
expert studies claiming the opposite. This past few weeks
after again reviewing on-line ex-gay ministry information I
came across a Stephen Black who practically called me a liar
that I did not know what I was talking about concerning the
founders of Exodus International. I did in fact know what I
was talking about and sent him detailed e-mail showing him
facts concerning the founders. He was adamant that he has
been delivered and is now straight. I explained to him that
I could easily guess what his testimony would say because of
all the research I have had in the past. He told me he would
send his testimony to me. He never did, but I found it by
accident while searching for more about the ex-gay
ministries. He is vice president of First Stone ministry
where a link to his testimony is found. I was indeed right
in my prediction of his testimony. This led me to further
research ex-gay founder’s testimonies on line.
Exodus is so good to offer links to
all the Ex-gay ministries associated with them. Many have
their founder’s testimony on-line. I read through these one
by one. The more I read the more pathetically clear it
became as to the fact that they simply had no testimony of
deliverance let alone a real foundation to base being set
free of homosexuality as they wished. Never once did they
say they made any attempt what so ever to check out the
verses used to condemn gays. The current Executive Director
of Exodus never even got close enough to a man to touch him
and as usual told a pastor and was pointed to an ex-gay
ministry shortly after he saw a woman he liked and married
her. He had sex with women before claiming it was his
attempt to be straight without help. All these men and women
had very guilt ridden lives starting at around 5 years old.
Their lives indicate they were very sick and needed a
therapist and yet these instead quickly became leaders in
the ex-gay community.
You can find a large number of
straights going through a carbon copy of these people and
not becoming gay, but indeed need a therapist to help undo
their guilt ridden mind. After reading these testimonies and
in general seeing how those thinking gay is sin never ask a
gay person for their testimonies with their only response to
gays is it is sin and begin quoting some of the 13 verses
used to condemn gays and then throw in verses that speak to
all people to show how evil gays are I decided to write my
testimony to show that Jesus is indeed with gay people and
not asking them to change and be straight, because there is
nothing to change concerning their orientation except
standard universal sins of humankind (Rom 3:23 For all
have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; (KJV)
. I have found that these same
Christians reject anything a gay person says concerning
their closeness with the Lord. They just can't stand to
check out gay testimonies. They never allow gays to give
account of their faith in Christ Jesus in their churches or
anywhere that they are in charge. The fact is if a person
really is a Christian then their lives will be filled with
testimony that follows accepting Jesus as Lord. Their lives
will be changed and in the same ways straights that have
accepted Jesus into their lives are changed and grow in the
Lord so gays grow and their walk can't be undone by a future
statement by someone that wishes gay to be sin. It is a
wish, a desire, that gay is sin by many and they use the
Bible as their club to cause harm in the name of love and
Jesus Christ. There is another side of the story. You have
brothers and sister you thought were dead in sin. I give
them back to you alive and strong in Christ Jesus.
My
Testimony
(John Applegate Founder)
That fateful night back on January 27,
1974 at 9:45 PM at Hawthorne Memorial Hall in Hawthorne
California at a Doug Clark's "Amazing Prophecies Rally"
changed my life forever. I considered myself an atheist of
atheists and came to an end this fateful night.
Chapter
1 Childhood
Born in Jan 1947, I come from a family
of six. Mom, Dad, a brother, and two sisters. I am a year
older than
my
brother, two years older than my younger sister, and five
years younger than my old sister. I can remember things back
as young as three, based on my mom's recollection of the
time I told her about how my brother and I played near my
dad's work while mom was waiting to pick him up as he often
would be delivering late as a Sears Truck driver. We went to
a church nearby and I can recall some stories about Jesus,
and going out Christmas caroling to needy folks homes.
At around 5 years old I was trying to
make a hole in a turtle shell as during this time this is
how you kept turtles for pets, kind of on a leash. I had an
awful time hitting a nail to poke a hole through the shell
and kept hitting my thumb. The pain was great and I prayed
to God to help me hit the nail. I still hit my thumb again.
So, I stood up and said, "There must be no God" I further
stated to myself that somehow someway all things can be
proven scientifically and someday can be done. That every
matter of events past, present or future had a science based
answer. I never told anyone I became an atheist that day.
Looking back, it is interesting that as strongly as I
believed there was no God that now I believe there is. These
set of 4 pictures are from about age 5 – 8 years old.
I never got to tell anyone this at
all. Our family had what is the usual problems families
have, but generally day went by with little events. I
thought my dad was somewhat strict, but I sure did a lot. I
really do not believe today I would allow a son of mine to
go hiking or bike riding and gone all day at age 6 thru 8
but my brother, cousin, and I did this a lot. We had a
mountain some five miles away which we walked to and hiked
it. It was not just some small hill and rattle snake were
abundant. My memories thru age 8 are of a fairly routine
life. Over all I did not much like my dad, but still had
great times with him. He took me fishing many times, which I
liked, and he taught us how to hunt rabbits and quail. I was
in school a year ahead of kids my age because my birthday
fell in January. I had some close friends during this time
too.
Nothing very unusual in my
recollection of these years. Sex was not too meaningful to
me. Both me and my brother thought we hated out little
sister. We were told that one day this will pass and it did.
I of course assumed that when I grow up I would get married
and have children. I did know that I especially liked a boy
in 2nd grade named Junior. I remember the feeling today, but
then I just wanted him as a friend which he was. He was a
Mexican American. I had no idea that this was really
important attracting part of him to me as I found a couple
decades later.
The town of my young years was very small with lots of
orange groves all around which was a constant source of fun
and heh heh treats. Over all through age 8 in hind sight
were not very unusual, but very average all American
childhood, love family picnics, had a very close and
numerous relatives to visit, cousins, aunt & uncles.
At eight we move to town. Our family
never missed a year of a two week camping trip. We all loved
camping and my brother and I did begin to like our little
sister. We were allowed to hike far from camp alone. It was
extra neat because for several years another family from
another part of the state camped at the same place at the
same time we did (we had a favorite lake, though we camped
many different places this lake was the most frequent).
Their kids were all our ages and so we had a great deal of
fun. My brother and I, and my cousin (my age) began stealing
things like candy and sometimes things for are aquarium and
fishing equipment. It was never really serous in our minds.
We got our little sister involved once. Once we almost got
more serious and were going to steal money from a gas
station. We thought they just leave their money box outside
(they used to have that in those days) but they take it in
when closed. So when we sneaked out and saw it not there
that ended that, we figured that is what they do so we won't
try further. One day my cousin got caught and this scared me
so much that I never could steal again. He was just scolded
and he never told on us. This ended our thievery days,
probably a year worth of time once in a while. Other than
that we were pretty decent kids. I really loved moving to
the new house when was 8 yrs old and I lived till I moved
out after graduating high school.
In fifth grade the teacher showed a
film condemning gays. I don't remember any word used except
perverts in the film. It showed a family at the park having
a picnic, then a man nearby went to the restroom. Another
man went in too. This was while the family watched from a
distance. Inside the restroom the men sat in separate
stalls. One man tapped a code with his foot, the other man
tapped in reply. This meant they agreed to something
perverted as sort of something of a general coded message
these perverts use. So they got up to leave and when the
first man came out of his stall handcuffs were put on him as
the other man was a police man. The family watched as he was
brought out of the restroom and put in a police car. This
was the rendering in 1956-57 that gay was sin and perverted.
It had no meaning except don't be a pervert. The same class
had a film on cleaning your body and the human body. They
showed a film of a boy and a girl naked standing as a
narrator spoke explaining the body parts and hygiene. They
showed the boy washing himself emphasizing how to clean
private parts. It was done in good taste and very non
offensive. I liked the boy much better than the girl, but
didn't much care.
I didn't like girls much, but no one
else (boys) really did either. I was liked by some girls
because I let them win in tether ball. I liked sports to
some degree. I was getting too many Ds but passing in fifth
grade and so it was decided to hold me back, kind of to get
me in with kids my own age. During that year one boy took a
disliking to me for some unknown reason. He also became
friends with two of my friends and turned them against me.
They beat me in the back sometimes. I didn't believe in
fight and never fought back. So I really hated to go to
school. But still thing were generally never to serious.
Through elementary school my life over all was pretty
average again. I had several friends and over these years I
really could not see a great deal of difference in growing
up with my family and other peers. As I grew up and began in
earnest to learn the truth about gays and the Bible and
reviewing my childhood, I just flat out cannot find straight
people and gay people having much difference in growing up.
They have a great deal problems and a great deal of exciting
wonderful adventurous times too. Parents can be very strict
or the opposite. Having both parents and just one does not
make a difference whether one is straight or gay. By the
time I was about to enter Junior high school I had come to
think there was something different about me, but I could
not understand what it was and didn’t really care anyway,
life was fun at times and not so fun at times. General
impression about love was that old thing we were always
told, we will grow up and get married and have children. And
that is what I believed up into military service.
Finally Junior High school. And also
some interest in the sexual part of me. Now there were
school dances. I
had my
cousin teach me to slow dance. Some girl asked me to dance
and it was great. Later, I knew it was not the girl that was
great, but the dancing that I loved. I went to many dances
and never danced just had a good time away from parents with
friends enjoying being at the dance. This was just to get
out with friends to horse around together at the dances. As
these junior high years were passing by I kept hearing
strange words from friends about having a heavy chest. I had
no idea what they were talking about, except it had to do
with how girls made them feel. Finally I learned it meant
they were horny. I never felt that so I thought something
must be wrong with me or I am just too shy to pursue this
issue with girls. However, at times I would see a boy which
made me feel mushy inside which I interpreted as just
wanting him to be a close friend. Generally all these things
never caused much concern for me, life seem fairly good and
very little cares. My 25 cents a week allowance kept me in
Ice Cream Sandwiches and chocolate bar donates what else
could I want in life. My cousin was my best friend a we did
tons together and another guy who sat in front of me in
several classes junior high through high school became great
friends. These set of 4 pictures are from about age 9 – 13
years old.
The bully one day was a lone riding
his bike while I was coming home from school. He stops to
try to pick his usual fight with me. Since he had none of
his buddies with him this time, I decided not to take his
bullying anymore and fight him. I got him quickly into a
hold he could not get out of so easily that he quickly gave
up and left without a word. The weird thing is that after
that he was rather friendly even asking for my help in
class. I had one other fight against someone 2 grades up and
won that one too and ended their bullying me too. It never
made sense to me why fighting makes an enemy act like your
friend from then on. I just hated violence with a passion. I
was really good at talking people out of fighting and
calming them down. Junior High was of course got me to like
rock and roll which really became a thing as I entered high
school.
Moving onto High School I stopped
going to dances there just wasn't any motivation and a
friend from Junior High was in a few of my classes then and
still was in high school (his last name began with an “A”
like mine so we were assigned seats right together) had
replaced my cousin who began hanging out with a bad crowd. I
shied away wanting no part as he became more involved with
their drugs. This replacement made the transition very
smooth and by 11th grade we I had a car and he used his
family cars. This opened a great new world of adventure all
over the southern California area and even Mexico which was
not far off. We got into drinking each weekend and driving
everywhere just having a good time. My hometown had two
excellent radio stations and though there were some bad
times they seemed dwarfed by the general carefree life we
had. We had really no cares. These radio stations were like
competitors for the areas youth listening audience. It was a
time of the 60s and all the famous groups were singing their
hits for the first time. It was heaven on earth. The future
to far away to think about. I was happy with my
understanding of life which I really love looking into. I
watched and read many things about how the Earth evolved and
I loved science fiction books and science fact. I had
developed my own theories of life and things to explain
there is no God. I was still sent to Sunday school thru
Junior High. My parents really didn't show their religious
beliefs much though my mom went to church while we were in
Sunday school. I remember stories about Moses, but never on
why Jesus came. And I never cared to read the Bible to find
that out. Life
was good and full of potential I was soon to go out to
freedom in the world too and began rebelling against my
parents rules I must have been a terror to them at times
when actually I was going through a time of wanting respect
as an adult would have and want to be my own boss.
So high I began making my own decision one was to
quit Sunday. My brother and I would be dropped off at Sunday
and we would promptly head for town and make it back in time
to be pick up and finally during High School years I just
said no more Sunday school, I had grown enough that I
would
not tolerate rules that kept me from doing what I wanted to
do.
I
graduated early (1 semester) because I had all my credits
and I generally had a perfect school attendance record and
chose classes that happily added up all needed credits to
graduate. I worked at a restaurant part time and moved away
from home before finishing 12th grade. I wanted my own life
and living at home seemed to restrict my freedom I thought.
I shared a place for 2 weeks with a fellow employee and he
partied and gambled with his friends late into the night and
I had to get up early to go to school. (These were straights
guys,) so I finally said this won't do and moved into my own
apartment. I would not move back home the freedom was great.
The new apartment was perfect. My
$50.00 a week salary was plenty. My life seemed generally
carefree and I had plenty of company. There were two women
teachers living together just next door to me. Once we
joined together for a two apartment party and WOW did people
come. The poor landlord kept peeking out his window seeming
nervous. Everyone just had fun and partied and drank. That
night just me and my cousin were left. He was in bed with
one of them & I the other. She was very drunk. I away could
drink tons and had little problem. We were kissing, it felt
strange, like kissing my sister, but I just figure this was
just awkward because it my first time. She passed out and I
stopped, thinking I will not do anything (with some idea I
was a good guy and won't abuse her while she slept.) I was
not aroused at any point anyway. The next day another girl
was at my apartment with a boy they were asking to use my
bed. He was in the bathroom and she came up close to me in a
sexual way and I just stood fell extremely awkward not
knowing what to do. . So I did nothing, blaming it on
shyness. That was pretty much my brushes with sex through
school. I good part of my life then was the weekends go out
driving and drinking with my high school buddy (I stopped
drinking in 74’ and many decades later I still have a
problem with the way people assign the term alcoholics to
people. It is 90% cop out I think based on a few people that
really got problems. Billions of people have been drinking
in this world without much problems, it is the few people
though it sounds like a lot that have the problems, having
said that I would not recommend drinking even a drop of
alcohol. But that real life should always be kept in
perspective to all of human existence on Earth and not
because we have cars that will kill people if the driver is
drunk. People condemn things that they do not understand
based on personal experience that is devastating to them or
because all their knowledge is conditional reflexes are done
with interviews of sick people with true alcoholism which is
not alcoholism but sensitivity to additions.) My week ends
during these years, though I would not recommend at all to
anyone even though I experienced only adventure (decent
adventure) and saw the world extended out from my home town
and saw the world or places and people and sights while in
the company of a friend that also really had no cares or
hang-ups to get in the way of a lifetime remembrance of good
memories in my teen years. He though grew more interested in
girls and brought into the picture some porn and later a few
topless bars and even the potential of getting prostitutes
(in Mexico) I had to do a lot of quick thinking to get out
of that predicament. However, that same night as we drove
around that Mexico town I saw what was the most exciting and
trilling thing I ever saw in my life. Two guys were along a
side street, I was lucky to notice, they were holding each
other intimately hugging and kissing and both very good
looking to me. My buddy did not see them as he was driving,
but I knew that is what I wanted to meet someone like that
to love. That view only lasted a minute but it is a lifetime
memory of a first time seeing two guys together like that.
Well I had graduated and gotten a
better job. I continue with my high school buddy on drinking
week ends. It was the life of Reilly, continued no cares, my
own life and it was fun to drive all over the place
drinking. We never had a problem (I don't support this kind
of life, we must have been the luckiest people in the world
that drinking never cause a problem) I did however, wish to
meet a girl (not because of attraction, but because you are
supposed to grow up and get married and I loved the idea of
a marriage of two people in love with each other).
I made arrangement with my sister
in-law to set me up with someone. She did. We double dated
and had a good time because the romantic part was not there
yet. That date ended, which was an otherwise good date, she
was very good looking, and it came to an end with saying
good night. As I took her to the door, again I did not know
what to do. Should I kiss her, was that what she expected or
wanted, I did not want to and did not desire that? I just
said good-bye. I blamed it on my shyness and the first date
is just awkward anyway, I certainly had no inside feelings
to pursue sex. I had read some books that graphically
described how women felt in their hot passions and dating.
So did my peers who are straight. I had fantasized meeting
the opposite sex many times to fall in love and marry, but
sex was not very much a part of it. I was more interested in
thinking about adventure and what makes the universe tick
and a companion to share these adventures in life and so
getting married would be getting such a companion as my
thinking was then sex I liked of course and assumed with the
right person or after the right amount of time to get over
my shyness then that would be great too.
When I got drafted and had then
decided to join the Air Force instead and was going to pick
up my test results I ask my best
friend
from school who still was my drinking buddy to help me move
my stuff home and so he went with to the recruiting station.
He was then talked into by the officer to join to on the
buddy plan. He did to his parent’s dismay, but it was neat
for me and off to boot camp we went. He ended up downstairs
so we saw little of each other, but I met another friend
which went to tech school with me after boot camp. We had
lots of fun at tech school (and fun in the military always
usually meant drinking) and so my life was still filled with
friends without women. From there I was stationed one hour
drive from home. A few others I have met in the service went
there too. For six months it was a pretty good life.
This was a base called the gateway to
Vietnam. Everyone expected to go. However, someone got sick
that had orders for Thailand & the Commander came and asked
me if I would take his place. So Thailand I went. A new best
friend from that base came with me. Now, I didn't know this
would be the best experience of my life to be in Thailand. I
arrived to eat RICE at the base dining hall for my first
meal there and thought this is the food for the next year.
It wasn't and the food on base was fabulous. The work there
was easy and even fun. They required us to wear civilian
clothes off base, and to my surprise I loved Thai men. They
were gorgeous.
The first time I went to work I was
assigned to inspect bombs as they were brought into the bomb
dump. That first night of work brought the most beautiful
greeting and smile for me from the most gorgeous man I ever
seen. We had an immediate friendship develop. There were
nearly 200 Thai men working in the Bomb dump in our squadron
alone and I came to be friends with most of them. Often when
leaving the base for town it would match up with the time
our Thai workers were coming or going to or from work and
made the Air Police concerned for my safety. They got off
the bus as I would be walking off base and they would come
over to me hitting and punching me. This was in friendship
and love. For the next year I was in paradise, but I could
not touch them sexually because of fear that I would be
dishonorably discharged. I was not sure I was gay, but I
sure knew I loved to talk with these Thai men and would love
to touch them and have sex with them and kiss them (well at
least the ones that I thought were cute). I hung out with
them and made many friends I never felt so loved and it was
hard to understand their attraction to me. There were many
white Americans around, but I enjoyed the attention and to
this day I treasure that year as the most memorial and
rewarding time of my life.
One friend from the base I came from
before going to Thailand always went out to town with a
group of Thais. Once though in still trying to figure my
sexual identity I ask my American friend let go to a
prostitute. Only $2. 50 for the decent ones and we had good
directions, so we went. I could not get interested and told
her I was drunk, not having even a sip. It was interesting,
just afterwards we were warned that a gang of Thais were
coming and they might be ones that would hurt us. It after
all was dangerous times in that part of the world. So, I
found my friend and told him the warning and then they came.
20 or 30 of them. Right away they got the biggest smiles on
their faces when they saw us because we both were popular
with the Thais and we knew most of them. They heard the
story of the warning and said they would protect us no
matter what. I tell you for an atheist I sure was blessed
all my life and this is just one more incident.
Life was great that year and once my
best Thai friend ask if he could have sex with me. I loved
the idea secretly, but all that came out was "what?" He
quickly said "no problem, just kidding" Oh, how I wanted to,
but it was clear in the military what could happen. This guy
and me went in a prostitute place and he wanted sex with
one. I said I did not, but he went ahead had did it while I
waited. I felt very strange there, not because it’s immoral,
but because the women were there for sex and I felt far from
wanting it with them. I continued blaming this on I was too
shy. I met another Thai man, he was so special, and to this
day I still think of him in a most special way. He had such
a sweet personality and expressed such caring attitude
towards me. He just could not keep his hands off me and
wanted to hold my hands all this time. I was so fearful if
others saw, but wanted him to continue at the same time. I
told, GI's don't like this so be more careful. One day at
his small loosely boarded one room apt. while I was visiting
him,(unfortunately a roommate who I knew too lived there and
was home.) he was wearing only underwear. This was really
good, I wanted to touch him so bad so, he had finished
washing himself. (they had no running water so washed with a
bowl) I said jump, meaning this would expose himself as
otherwise the lower part of his body was behind a half door.
I said go ahead. He did. I had to make it seem like I was
kidding around because of the other guy. Afterwards he lay
on his bed (only wood planks) while I set on the edge and
the other guy to the other side of the bed against the wall
to the next apt. Seeing his body with only underwear on was
driving me nuts. I wanted to hold him so bad. I began to
lightly move my fingers across his body slightly tickling
him in a fashion that seemed acceptable and decent. He
seemed to like that. . . But I dared not go further, I
didn't want to be called a fag if word got out. I continued
with good times over there and drinking was the mainstay of
most military people and I liked that anyway and really
enjoyed my life over there. I had close company with
beautiful men.
I went to dance bars with other GI's
and once trying to figure out this sexual identity while
drinking and the other had found Thai women to get to sit on
their laps I saw one out the window and they said tell her
to come in, they basically got her in and on my lap. She was
a very good looking woman, but it still felt awkward, I did
try to be more sexual, but when it would have been the time
for going to have sex, I made excuses.
I had seen transvestites over there
and heard from a SGT. When he found his date was one he grab
him there and got a hand full then left after hitting him.
One once asked me to come with him as he passed by. Those
were the real first gays I seen but I could not see having
someone looking like a woman that really was a man.
It was easy to see that a very large
number of straight married or engaged men were shacked up
downtown. I knew many of these men and several were very
good friends. Later this lesson would be very important in
discussing sexual issues in my ministry.
God was working on me over there as I
look back. My nature was to respect people and in this
country where I was a guest, as our commanders told us, I
never from any part of my being would speak against their
culture. I was an atheist and Buddha was just as
non-existent as God was to me. But one night at a carnival I
had already drank enough to black out that night by the time
I got there and remembered little of that night. Yet, I had
totally sobered up to see myself respecting their culture
kneeling at a large statue of Buddha and someone sprinkling
holy water on me. Later, after I accepted Christ I did the
usual rebuking the devil things Pentecostals do to clean up
past encounters with anything real or perceived that was of
satan or demons. It wasn't until much later that I realized
God was there and woke me to see this and saying to me I am
with you and know your heart even while unsaved. So when my
year ended I had so many good memories and wondered ever so
much more about myself and pretty much figured I was gay by
then, but still thought of marrying someday, because that is
what you are supposed to do and I wanted to have the average
family life.
I tried very hard to contact my Thai
Friends especially those two, but I just didn't have enough
of an address and who knows. So they were wonderful
memories. I still would do the best to look them up if I am
ever over there, even after all this time. I occasionally go
over my life reviewing my expectations and desires and up to
now I still really had no reasons to have cares. In the Air
Force was still like being a kid I guess, with little
responsibilities. I had two more years and now stationed in
Las Vegas.
This was just continued good times
without cares, though I thought occasionally of my sexuality
I just didn't care too much. Thailand though I talked in
some detail was mostly one big party in a wonderful land
full of little adventures and work was not bad either. I
wasn't a very good soldier if you call saying "yes sir, and
no sir" is soldiering. I had gotten an officer upset at me
once or twice for not saluting. Never anything serious and I
got great outstanding reports for my work. Though as the
squadron commander watched me unload hundreds of trucks of
bombs he report how good I was, yet I never had a license to
drive the vehicles to do the unloading. There are many
things I'd love to tell you about my service life, but that
would take a book on its own. It just was that I hated being
in the service but would never trade one day of it for
anything in the world. I want my own life and the service
controlled just about everything. Easy to party and have
fun, but with no responsibility of choosing where to live
and having to play this game of enlisted verses officers.
Las Vegas was the perfect sitting for this time of my life
even so. 1969 was very good in Las Vegas for Military. Well
drinks $. 35 picture beer $. 75 at Circus Circus. Bars never
close and parties 2 to 3 times a week at someone house who
lived off base. I got my own apt. still was received for
food, but had a chow card to. Paid to live off base. And for
a over six months I just called in as I was night shift
supervisor. I'd call from a bar to check if work was in. One
time there was I went fairly drunk having to pick up a
$300,000 practice nuclear bomb. I even got an Air Police
escort across the flight line out to the bomb dump. No
problems. I drove in my car in civilian clothes drunk to
pick up a shipment too. It was a carefree time. Base parties
where officers and enlisted men had beer parties on the
flight line. I loved Lake Mead to, went fishing with friends
a lot. Five hours from home so got to see my family often
to.
More episodes dealing with my
sexuality came up as my little group, a Georgia boy, who I
though was very cute, very blond, but engaged, a
Midwesterner who was into golfing, two others fun guys, and
a black.. We were like peas in a pod. The town was our hang
out and the lake was a get away from it all. We went snow
skiing, and ice skating. We had an extended group of about
15 others friends which were more for parties than just
being together like are smaller group. Not anyone not even
the extended group were into drugs or evil or a conditions
that could bring on a direction of some sort of abuse. Are
worse sin was drinking. Then nobody cared. The police
stopped us once while we were downtown drinking and driving
and said he understood military people and so he won't do
anything, but for us just to drive back to the base. We of
course said yes, but went on drinking the town dry.
Our little click was driving and we
passed a gay bar. We have past it many times before, but
this time one said let’s stop in. I was a little nervous,
but was well insulated with the guys. They never said a
negative thing about gays. We just went in had some beers
threw some nickels in the slots and was on our way. But I
registered this in my mind. I was very interested in
learning about gays. One night I went alone to that gay bar.
I was numb because this was the first time I really was
going to a gay place with to dealing with my feelings. I set
at the counter and drank a truck driver sat next to me and
talked to me. I sat and stared straight ahead. He was not my
type, but this night I was dealing with something for the
first time and even moving wasn't an option. I wanted
something. At that time I didn't know what. He started
touching my private parts while we sat there. I guess
because I didn't respond or maybe it was this very
overweight black saw what was happening and so came over and
took over by talking to me. He was very friendly and easy
going and I was getting drunker too so we talked. I can't
remember what about, but he said there was another gay bar
would I like to go. I said yes and we went. It was more like
a casino than a bar. It seem fun enough, later he took me
back to where my car was. We sat in his car. He reached out
a fondled me, I just turned over to him and hugged him then
said I must go. It had nothing to do with him, just that
that was as far as I wanted to go. I was quite drunk by then
and even spun my car out in the rain on the way home. The
street was big and no cars and I hit nothing. I did go back
once with friends and that guy was there. I ignored him. We
never went back, it just was a onetime stop and I never went
back either, there were plenty of things to do and this was
done with. . .
A new man started working at the bomb
dump, but was never anywhere that I could meet him, but I
sure wished to. Everyday we'd all line up in formation
before going to our assignments. He was a few people away.
There were not many men I've seen that were very good
sexually attractive to me, but he was and nothing brought us
together.
Once at the NCO club a stripper was
brought in so of course everyone had to go. Most got a big
thrill and I knew how to go along with them, besides I still
thought someday I'd marry and I haven't found any guy that
was like me, except in the gay bar and my memory of that was
there was nobody there of interest and if I got caught I'd
be up the creek. So, I went along with these straights to
see naked women. One occasion a group of us drove 500 miles
one night stopping at the whore houses going north of Vegas.
I went in one after the begging of others, one giving the
$10. 00 price of a prostitute there. I said no and just
waited for him to get done. Most of the time still had
nothing to do with sex and I did continue enjoying science
fiction and science fact. I actually learned considerable. I
also picked up the notion of becoming a pilot during that
last year as a goal after I got out. And it was great to get
out, free at last. Life is full of lessons and schools with
time commitments. Every so often you graduate on move on.
People seem to go their ways and only
one I kept in contact for a while and also my high school
buddy who after boot camp I never saw till I got out came
back into my life on occasion. I moved in with my parents
then with my younger sister getting a decent job close to
her house after the service. At work I met a friend and we
had some good times at some parties and once in a while my
high school buddy would join us. I got my own apartment
where my spiritual development really got moving. I was
learning about ESP along the lines I considered science. My
philosophy was well developed concerning Christians and
others. I believed no one had advantage over anyone and if
willing anyone could achieve any degree mental powers. My
job was good, I even began flight lesson to become a
commercial helicopter pilot and actually flew an airplane by
myself several times. I had a good imagination and kind of
wrote my own adventure stories not really ever concerned
with publishing them.
I enjoyed drinking coffee at coffee
shops with breakfast and that became a normal routine before
work. My older sister and I tried out some ESP type powers
lifting sofas a few feet off the ground with little more
than touching the ends of the sofa. I also found a group
called Rosicrucian which taught everyone had powers they can
tap in the universe. I signed up and received a book each
week for a year. I found I could do some interesting things.
One being useful at work. I was a shipping and receiving
clerk at an electric resale place and we got skids with
could be a hundred boxes on it. Lots were different items
and each must be checked against a purchase order. I hated
this because it took quite a while. However, I found I could
close my eyes walk around stacks and hold my hand out and it
would be drawn to the next item I needed to find. It worked
very well. I also found I could use the same thing listening
to songs I did not know the words too or the commentators
words and say each word as it is song or spoken. This was
not taught by the Rosicrucians but something I picked up.
After a year of receiving material they changed and started
offering coming to their headquarters and the books started
saying you need to do rituals to get to ascended masters. I
avoided these because there was no God and nobody was
superior to anyone.
Several things were going on during
this first year out of USAF. I was dealing more with my
sexuality, I was getting to a point with this Rosicrucian
that effects what I believe (Rosicrucians state you can
control your environment including people) I know this is
true. I did those things. It worked. Things happened, but
never enough to actually change much in my life. Just little
things. I also dabbled in astrology near a point of going
deeper. It was really to complicated and I could never
grasped how it seem to work. Once I sent in to get a reading
not saying a thing about my life and it came back indicating
my gay nature that was weird to say the least. I had some
sort of spiritual experience which didn't seem connect to
anything I had known. I was told several things concerning
love and many other things I am not at ease to discuss or at
liberty to speak on. Later, I found these exact words almost
word for word in the Bible. Mainly that I can't go where
Jesus is now, but one day I can. Jesus name was not use, he
used a pronoun. I simply would not allow God in any form to
try to say it him speaking. There was no god or God to me
and so it was taping into it all which can at least some day
be explained. However, he was all too real and personal. I
also found a newspaper that listed a gay newspaper which I
sent for and in it was a gay club which I called. What a
dramatic thing this was for me. For the real first time I
actively did something about for myself and sexuality. The
club's receptionist was very nice and talked awhile, but
overall it would cost $200. 00 a year and that was out of
the question for me. I was however esthetic over actually
making that call. It was probably the best thing I did for
myself. Now, I also found a gay bar along the beach listed.
I decided to go. This was different than while in the USAF
no threat of discharge and I was going really for the first
time to really check out other gays. I did go that night. I
went early not knowing that the crowds arrive late. This was
perfect for my coming out to myself because what I saw when
I got there release any doubt I had about being gay or that
it was a sickness or perversion. If I was a Christian I'd
say it was a born again experience, because that is the
closest similar experience I can compare to it. There were
four guys just have a good time and very friendly
non-sexually. They were so comfortable together, so natural.
I have no idea if they ever had sex together, but that
wasn't the issue here it was others like myself very
comfortable with who they are as gay people. I had a few
hours to observe them before the crowds came. The bar tender
was a neat guy and the name of the place was The Stables. So
was very impressed to see there really are gays that are
very natural being gay. In other words this alone all the
condemnation of any Christian of gays falls into they just
completely wrong. My love of the truth which started at age
five said so loudly in my gut gay was not wrong or perverted
but a very normal condition for gay people. I can't convince
those that can't see that picture, but I knew then nothing
was wrong with me.
More people came in and dancing
started, but by that time I needed to go to the bathroom so
bad that I left. I need privacy to go and the line was long.
I wanted to stay because there were two I would like to
meet, natured called and I left. Luckily a mile away I found
a place, then I almost decided to go home figuring I'd be
too shy to ask and I never fast danced before. I decided to
go back. One of the men I liked did come to me and asked me
to dance. I said no I didn't know how. Another man I thought
was just gorgeous (American Indian which I didn't associate
with Thais yet) seemed interested in me, but none of us
moved. A black man saw this unspoken thing between us and he
danced with him a few times and I felt I lost my chance,
then the black guy came and asked me to dance. I said the
same I don't know how. This black didn't care and said it
doesn't matter nobody really cares and won't notice anyway.
He was real good at convincing me to dance. I loved it. He
said he notice the eye contact I had with "Ken" and why
don't I ask him to dance. I said I was to shy. So he took
the initiative and introduced us and so Ken and you two go
dance. Till this day I know God sent this man to get Ken and
me together. We dance the night away and I think fell in
love that night. I didn't tell him he was my first. He came
home with me that night and I had no trouble about what I
should do or not do. I wasn't a bit awkward it was so
natural together. We continued to see each other I he moved
in with me within a couple of months. We were together ten
years. We had the family I dreamed of even 3 kids. A boy and
2 girls as the mother couldn't be a good mom and finally
gave them to us. I was so in love with that man. I thought
it would last forever.
We loved camping together and often
went to his mom's on the Indian reservation so I learned
about the Indian culture too. Very interesting. We had much
in common and loved dancing. We went to hundreds of gay
dance bars and clubs and drank but not to get drunk. Once I
had invited my school buddy over and ended up coming out to
him. We all decided to drive to Mexico that night like usual
drinking while driving. We stopped on the freeway near San
Diego and got into some sexual things. My friend just
curious and I didn't fully understand what was happening,
maybe just him checking it out. I wasn't attracted to him
anyway and I didn't think it was a three way or that my
lover was being unfaithful. I wasn't a Christian and didn't
believe spiritual laws existed and this was this night's
thing only. But when I saw my lover kissing him something I
hadn't expected happened inside me that said this is wrong.
It was quite powerful and I told them to stop they thought I
was kidding I guess and I got very serious so much so that
they did stop and we drove home and my friend left and I
never saw him again. It was a first stress on our
relationship and I learned something about human nature and
jealousy and later I knew a spiritual law being broken. Our
relationship never was the same but managed most the time
pretty well, but I caught him with someone else once which
made it worse.
I decided to leave and moved in with
my parents. I thought I had broken away from him and from
the growing arguments after these unfaith acts. Thinking I
was free I had gotten a job while living back at home. My
parents went on a month's vacation. While working (rent a
car place) across the street was this blond the kind I liked
and he sat there waiting who knows why. I thought I'd take a
chance to meet him so I went outside and hung around seeing
if he'd come over since I like the other person to first ask
me. The poor sales clerk had no idea what was going on. This
guy staring at the shop now for a couple of days. He
couldn't know he was looking at me and me him especially
like for a date. Straights can very publicly meet without
concern, but gays must be careful. Outside a gay bar at that
time was a risk to meet someone. The guy finally cross the
street to a phone booth. The clerk said he was about to call
the police. I told him wait I will go see what's going on. I
knew very well what was going on. So I went over to him
somewhat nervous not wanting any rejection, he was so cute I
wanted to get to know him. He was pretending to be using the
pay phone and when he saw me we started talking. He was
interested in me and he said that spot was a lucky spot for
him across the street. He said he's wait till I was off work
and come home with me. I was very excited still thinking it
was over with Ken. I explained to the clerk there was no
problem with that guy and all very innocent. It was really
nice with him that night we talked a lot. We did end up in
bed, then later my Dog (My brother's dog had pups and Ken
and I got one we named after the bar we met at "Stables")
began barking. I understood what Stables was saying. He was
saying Ken was driving up the street and was maybe two
blocks away. I told the guy and we quickly dressed just in
time that Ken drove in the drive way. Dogs can be remarkable
if you listen. I couldn't believe Ken drove all the way over
to visit me and it was difficult to explain the guy with me.
But after that we all went out to eat dropping the guy near
his home.
Ken kept returning and we got back
together. It wasn't much better and so I said I would move
to Northern California to get a job and later he could move
up there. Thinking if he did it may be better or he won't
and I could start over. By this time God really was doing a
number on me. This began just before I got back together
with Ken. I hitched a ride to work one day and when let out
he said "God Bless you" I was at the point where I figured
Christians though wrong and had no idea what process was
taking place when they prayed or God Blessed someone, that a
force generally good can come of it and so I wouldn't so
much care about the wrongness of their belief, but the fact
that something in their accumulative brain power could
manifest change and since they wished good could come from
it. I traced this blessing on me directly to a much more
direct path to God. I drove North. The spiritual or cosmos
thing which was ever so personal never left me, never was
bad to me, never offended me, and never went against what I
believed, always their day or night never tiring of me.
Mostly listened to me. Much more too. A radio station faded
in and out then very strong. I wanted to shut it off because
it was Christian and a guy was giving details of his
relationship with Jesus Christ. I hated it, but it drew me
the more so. What he was saying was Jesus was ever so
personal, never leaving, there night and day, never tiring
of him. And on and on. It was what I have been experiencing
for nearly three years. On and on he went describing the
very experiences I had. I was uncanny. How can this be? It
shocked me so much. Because this meant it was Jesus all the
time. I just could not accept this. I believe there was no
God. I knew if I ask he would say he was Jesus. I told not
to under any condition. On and on the radio man said Jesus
inside talking to him so personal so good, never against,
always patient, I could not handle it I saw it word for word
time and again. The personality matched exactly to a tee. I
was very shaken my life turning upside at 65 MPH going North
a 100 miles from anywhere. I knew it was true and hated it,
but loved it at the same time. Finally, that guy was done
and the station faded away. I drove on in shock. It ruined
my life as I had known it. Finally I saw there was but one
choice since I loved truth beyond all things. I said Current
as you know I believe there is no God beyond a shadow of a
doubt. But because I seek truth in all things then if you
are truth them I will accept you completely for truth is
what I seek.
I continued to my destination and
looked for work. It was not as easy as expected. I had a
brand new 1974 Grand Torino Sport which I bought in 73'. It
was December of 73'. I slept in the car and budgeted money
as I had little. No job came. I stayed more quite on the
issue of God and had this new experience of being homeless
as it were, though I could go home anytime so it wasn't a
big issue. Finally, I got to where I had to go home as there
was barely enough gas money to get home. I stayed in
Sacramento a couple days at the Salvation Army. They asked
me to park the new car by the offices because it didn't look
right to have a new car and sleep free for 2 nights there. I
tried even looking for work in that city still hoping to
break free of Ken. I had to give blood to get the last tank
of gas to get home.
A transsexual friend of Ken's had
recently gotten saved and when we visit him (her) she began
telling us about Bible Prophecies. This was up my alley, not
the God part, so it was interesting. Anything on telling of
future things was interesting to me. She invited us to a
Kathryn Colman meeting. I really wanted to see healings to
test if it’s fake or real or my accumulative agreement of
brains making people get healed. While waiting a usher came
out and said all seat were full but God can make more room.
Well no more room, too many in front of us. So we went back
to her place.
She had invitations to Amazing
Prophecies and it also could have healings and other
manifestation. So we went. I wanted a close look see if
anything would happen to judge it faked or real and hear
anything that can add to my knowledge of future events as
well as past events. It was indeed interesting what was
said, not much in the way of Jesus and that was not why I
came anyway so I just figured I wouldn't see anything this
time. There is always next time. But I didn't know it was
Christian procedure to invite people to accept Christ at the
end of a meeting. He just said anyone that would like him to
pray them please raise your hand everyone having their eyes
closed. I thought hey anyway they are wrong, but
accumulative prayer may just move things to a better
conditions in my life. I was certainly looking for
something. So I raised my hand in honesty to receive
whatever good that may come of it. That wasn't good enough
for him, he now said those with raised hand please stand.
Well, so what I can do that much to. I am willing to see if
power to change things for the good can come of it. But,
then he said come up front. What can I do I just need to
take one step I was already in the first row dead center so
I would not miss any thing.
He now played dirty (not really) he
told in less than five minutes the story of why Jesus came
2000 years ago. He came to die for me. To die in my place. I
deserve to die, he first loved me. And then rose to Heaven
on the 3rd day. We can accept his work on the cross by
recognizing we have sinned. No one had to tell me I was a
sinner, and here a way out. He said with all eyes closed,
mine were pray after me. As he told use to say Jesus I
believe you are the Son of God died on the cross for my sin,
rose the 3rd day forgive me of my sins. Which I did whole
heartedly. I even considered my lover sitting behind me. I
put him on that alter saying if gay really is sin I commit
all this to you. Show the truth. Tears flooded that area as
I cried like a baby and so did the other hundred that came
forward. As I prayed Doug walked over to me I assumed
because his voice came over and stopped right above me. I
saw all white with my eyes closed. When he had finished I
opened my eyes. Doug had never left the left side of the
stage. We were taken backstage by counselors and told how
good God is and what to expect in the coming days and years
as Christians. They gave their testimonies and the Book of
John to us. It all a daze the room was white like in a
cloud. When I came back out to my lover and friend they
greeted me with smile and the transsexual said welcome home,
it was wonderful. I read the Book of John quickly and cried
thru it all it was so good. This was about one month after I
had asked God to show me the truth "is He real?" It was
January 27, 1974 at 9:30 PM when I accept Jesus as Lord and
Savior. Now I had finished the Book the next day and was
starving for more. I had no money anywhere and could not
expect Ken to give me any, but I wanted a Bible so bad and
had no idea where to get one. I prayed to God in Jesus name
explaining I have come up with $4.58 and can only think of
K-Mart knowing they had a book section. Church never crossed
my mind. I went to K-Mart and found a KJV Bible for
including tax $4.57. This was my first miracle in answered
direct prayer. I began spending a lot of time reading the
Bible and Christian book stores reading everything I could.
Ken knew about Assemblies of God and we began attending one
where I almost never missed any service or workshop or
special guest speaker.
This has been a first rough draft
bring you to when I accepted Jesus. I will
be
smoothing out the above and continuing with my walk as a
Christian. This won't be uploaded to this page for around a
month of (" Began writing Saturday, October 18, 1997").
I believed Jesus never left me when I
left him at age 5 and that he was very close and became
personal nearly 3 years before I accepted him as Savior I
will go into details of this in the update along with my
experiences with other Christians and Pastors up until I
came out to my pastor in 1985, then as my ministry begin
till present. I name my ministry after my dog named Stables
as it also represented where is began 2000 years ago. Let me
tell you this. You can believe what you will but "Gay is not
Sin and Jesus is not asking the gay person to change and be
straight.
To be
continued later. . . . .
In
Christ Jesus
John
Currently I have
no freed up funds to go anywhere that is not much more than
an hour’s drive from home. I have been to several countries
(Thailand, Philippines, Okinawa, Japan, Canada, Mexico,
Taiwan, Germany, France, and Amsterdam). These was military
assignments, vacations, day’s trip, or to pick up a car.
None had any ministry involvement other than my trip to
Germany and Taiwan I did shoot some TV programs using them
as a backdrop.
Most visits were before I was SAVED.
Generally I thought doing my little weekly TV
programs and internet chatting was about all I could do
because family, work, money, or stupidity on how to do
anything that would actually get people to a meeting let
alone have a place to meet. This began to change about 4
years ago.
My message
generally has been on very controversial topics, but through
these many years on weekly TV (since 1985) and my keen
interests on many topics of the Bible since 1974 and up to
present God’s continual call on my heart to reach the world,
see my
testimony, has given much to tell people about on
all areas of the Bible.
For now I will
list the general areas ministers, pastors, and others have
been praying to God for me to come to their city to preach.
All of these see that God will do wonderful things and Save
many people many healed and they tell me adamantly they can
gather often enough 10,000 people to hear me preach.
This has been
mostly from a part of the world I never had any real
interest in or any desire to go to so I originally
discounted them as nice and thank you, good thoughts and
here is a prayer or two and go about my business on one on
one ministering online and preaching my weekly TV programs.
Sure it was interesting to think someone actually
would want me to go preach and expecting God to move, but it
did not seem to match my situation or “my favorite country”
list. It seemed weird that here in the USA and my home city
Seattle that I can’t even get a peep from anyone that would
invite me to preach, though I know that God would heal and
Save many and move in ways they could not imagine. God
through Jesus has shown me many things and what he will do
very soon, I know in my heart these things and I know people
need to hear them.
But in the USA if the word gay is there then it does
not seem to matter that GOD called you or not. They would
rather die and be given over to antichrist than to hear from
a gay person. Even the many gay churches remain silent and
they have such a calling, but they remain in dormant mode. I
see the spark that will catch them afire for Christ and I
see the purpose in the Body of Christ for gays. So, I
remained skeptical on ever doing more than saying my piece
on TV each week. Also, many really good people all over the
world but huge numbers of homophobic people (homophobe to me
means someone that does not study what their mouths speak on
the gay topic, so never can explain why they say what they
say).
But a few years
ago something began to change. Probably started with 911 (a
date that I say began the snowball effect that will takes us
to antichrist kingdom in operation). Suddenly people from
several Muslim countries began popping up in chat to me. I
use to get mostly homophobes or people that are interested
in last days events or gays wanting to know what the Bible
says about gays. Ever since 1985 I probably had over 700,000
people come to me one line or via TV programs to talk one on
one over these years. Often I can have 10 private chat
windows going on many Bible issues and in Christian chat
rooms often I am the talk of the room and have quite the
ministry to these people.
The Stables Ministries Home of Gays For Jesus TV Programs
Voice:
206-338-4297(gays)
text: 425-321-5987
correspondence: gays4jesus@gays4jesus.com
The Stables Ministries Home of Gays For Jesus TV Programs
Voice: 206-338-4297(gays) text: 425-321-5987 correspondence: gays4jesus@gays4jesus.com